Lord of the Soda, The Fellowship of the Soda
by Kriss Kay
Summary: Frodo's a smart-alec, nobody wants the ring, and legolas is full of angsty goodness! From 2 of the mt. dew brigade! NO SLASH!
1. The beginning of all things that are sod...

**From some of the insane people who brought you.......**

**Well, nothing because this is our first one. ANYWAYZ, we proudly bring you......**

**(Sabie's Note: you know, THIS is why we're not allowed to have parties in **

**World History)**

**(Kirsten's Note: This is probably why we're not allowed to sit on the same **

**end of the room also.)**

Lord of the Soda:

The Fellowship of the Soda****

**Sabie: *Mumbles, "I can't believe we have to say this.**

** How stupid are these readers?"* Oh, by the way, we don't own**

** Lord Of the Rings. Wish we did, but no. Read on!**

One soda to rule them all

One soda to find them

One soda to bring them all 

And in the vending machine to bind them.......

3 Sodas to the Elven-Kings, who drank them all and got high...

7 for the Dwarf-Lords, who punctured the cans and wasted the soda.....

9 for the Mortal Men, who threw the soda at each other's heads......

One soda for the Dark Lord, sitting on his pizza-box couch.

****

_So the Dark Lord, Salmon, sat with his dark soda in one hand and his other rubbing his humungous beer gut, which was hanging out of his dirty, sweaty tank top.  _

_He wobbled to the fridge and saw that he had ran out of soda.  So he decided that he would steal everyone else's soda and make his beer gut grow!!!_

_But then Isadork cut off his beer gut so Mr. Dark Lord himself, Salmon, vanished, and Isadork took the soda and kept it to himself. _

****

(S/N: that greedy jerk) 

_Then some Raiths found him and threw Isadork and the soda into the river, and well, Isadork is dead._

_A few thousand years later, a Hobbit-like creature thing named Smuggled found the soda, and kept it for himself.  He was banished from his village because everyone else drank Gatorade, and everyone was so embarrassed that they called him Gottem, which no one knows why.  _

_For 500 years it wasted his life.  But then the soda grew tired of the cave, the smell of rotting fish, and Gottem, so it abandoned Gottem and fell into the hands of another Hobbit named Killblow_

****

**(Sabra's Note: geez, does it like hobbits much?)**

**(Kirsten's Note: He's only a hobbit-like creature thing.)**__

_Maggins.  Killblow then took it with him._

_*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ _

_60 years passed and it is now the year of Killblow's 111th birthday. There you see Killblow's nephew, Crowdo Maggins, reading a book._

_It's 10 days later and Crowdo is still waiting for his company, Mr. Randolf Feeny._

"You're late, Randolf," Crowdo said.

"A wizard is never late, Crowdo Maggins; he arrives precisely when he means to," 

*Some female activist comes and shouts, " HEY!!! WHAT ABOUT WOMEN?! DON'T WE GET RIGHTS TOO????"*

"Fine fine... he OR SHE arrives precisely when he OR SHE means to," Randolf replied.

Crowdo wasn't that satisfied with that answer. "YOU MADE ME SIT AND WAIT BY THAT TREE AND NOW I HAVE POISON OAK ON MY BUTT!!!!!!" he screams.

"Well, you shouldn't have sat there for 10 days strait." 

"YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE HERE 10 DAYS AGO!!!!!!"

"Grrrrrrr. I'm going to go visit your uncle. Maybe _HE'S_ more appriciatable than you are."

"FINE! GO SEE THAT CRAZY OLD FART! ALL HE DOES IS EAT!!!!!"

_So Randolf took his fancy-shmancy wagon over to Killblow's house.  He walked inside and was shocked at what he saw._

"Hi, Killblow," Randolfsaid.

"I'm not Killblow any more. I am.." Killblow stops for a moment to think of a name, "I'm JABBA THE HOBBIT-HOLE!!!!!!! NOW GIVE ME CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

(K/N: Sorry, inside joke)

"Cheese? Why do you want cheese? What happened to 'Fruit and Veggies are all you need to stay alive'?"

"I don't know, I just want CHEESE! It's............. my prrrecioussssssssssss."

"I _knew _that I shouldn't have given you some of my Pipe-Weed."

"But it's good weed!"

"I don't care! The cheese is _not_ your precious! And STOP SMOKING WEED! YOU'RE SETTING A BAD EXAMPLE FOR CROWDO!"

"Fine! But can I smoke one for my 111th birthday?"

"DANG, you're old!"

"Shutup. You're not brand-spanking-new either."

"Whatever. I'm leaving. Bye, Killblow!"

"IT'S JABBA THE HOBBIT-HOLE!!!"****

"Ok. JABBA!"

"That's better." Killblow had a satisfied look on his face.

"Bye JABBA!" Feeny leaves the house.

"DON'T FORGET THE CHEESE!!!!" Killblow shouts out the door.

Randolfmumbles as he walks to his wagon, "Stupid crazy Maggins, all of them are crazy."

_*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*_

_Well, despite his whining and muttering things we're not allowed to write here, Randolf actually went to the party.  I mean, who can resist free food?? Anyways, Crowdo is dancing like a drunken fool in the middle of the crowd, with all the other drunk fools.  Did we mention that Crowdo is the only one who is sober? Very sad, we know. _

_Crowdo looks at his friend, Spam Hamgee, and throws poor Spam into the ladies restroom. All the girls shrieked and said, "Why the heck are you here?? Now if you were Orlando Bloom, that's different. But you're just a STUPID FAT HOBBIT!!!!!"_

 Spam got mad and threw Crowdo in. But a few minutes later, Crowdo emerges from the ladies restroom with lipstick marks of all colors on his face and ripped clothing. Spam gets even more ticked and goes home, and he knows that Crowdo will never leave the party now.  Now Killblow

***Killblow yells "IT'S JABBA THE HOBBIT HOLE!!!"***

_Whatever._

_Now JABBA_

***Killblow says "Thank you!"***

_finds Crowdo _

(Sabie's Note *whispers*: remind me to kill Killblow later...) 

_and drags him to a corner._

"It's our cousins. HIDE!" Killblow said.

"Oh no. Not the cousins," Crowdo said sarcastically.  Crowdo just walks off. 

"CROWDO!! COME BACK BEFORE THEY- oh hi, my sweet, darling cousins!" Killblow said. 

His cousins looked at him and left.  You can hear one say "Geez, he's more insane than before." 

The other on says, "You mean more than the whole 'King of the World' thing?" 

"More."

**_FLASHBACK!!!!_**

_Spam and Crowdo are attending their gardens. Crowdo's is dark, black, and well, dead. Spam's is bright, things are growing, birds chirping, and a beam of light shines on it. All of a sudden, they hear something climbing on the roof. _

_"Oh, no. What's Psycho Killblow gonna do now?" they both cry. _

_It's Killblow, in his PJs, and he stands up on his roof and yells "HEY EVERYONE!!!!!!! GUESS WHAT?????? I'M KING OF THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!"_

_"3, 2,1," Crowdo mutters to Spam. Killblow falls off the roof. Crowdo and Spam shrug at each other and continue to tend their gardens. _

**_END FLASHBACK!!!!_**

(S/N: wow! That was fun!)

_Killblow then stumbles onto a box and starts to deliver a speech. But then they hear a loud bang from one of the tents. When the smoke clears, two young hobbits, Sally and Pig Pen, emerge from the big gaping hole in the ground. _

(K/N: YAY!!!! ANOTHER FLASHBACK!!!!)

**(S/N: no, stupid, just a vision from their point of view)**

**THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED..........**

Sally walks up to a tent and punches it.  Pig Pen crawls out and slaps Sally.

"DUDE!!!! I WAS ABOUT TO BEAT THE ULTIMENT LEVEL OF DOOM AND YOU RUIND IT!!!!!" Pig Pen yelled at Sally. If you look into the tent, you can see a big screen television with the screen flashing 'GAME OVER… YOU SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUK!!!!'

(K/N: Yes, Sally is a guy. His mom was looped up on the pipeweed. Sorry, Merry and Pippin lovers! Yes, I love them too. RYMING IS SO HARD!!!!!!!! )

"So? We are supposed to blow something up!" Sally then picks up a very angry Pig Pen and throws him into Randolf's cart chock-full of explosives.

Pig Pen lands in the cart with a small Thud. He picks up a regular explosive. "Here! Can I go now?"

"No, no, no! The BIG ONE!!!!" Sally pointed to the big fat firework wrapped in cloth with a tag reading, _"DON'T TOUCH! ESPECIALLY YOU, SALLY AND PIG PEN!!!"_

"Oh well, guess we can't use that one." Pig Pen told Sally with a gleam of hope in his eyes and a roll of quarters in his pocket.

"Nahhhh..... Randalf is just joking with us! Of course we can fire it!" Sally replied. "Just grab it and give it to me!"

"I don't know, Sally........" Pig Pen grabs the explosive slowly and hands it to Sally. Sally grabs it with a quick pull.

**_A LITTLE WHILE LATER......._**

Sally and Pig Pen are in another tent, standing around the firework that has been placed into the ground. Sally lights the firework.

"Good, now put it in the ground." Sally commanded Pig Pen.

"It _IS_ in the ground!" Pig Pen replied, "Now lets go put it back in the cart till Randolf claims it. You _HAVEN'T_ lit it, have you?"

"Yup! We're ahead of schedule. Aren't you proud of me?"

"I hate you." Then the firework exploded.

***~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

Sally and Pig Pen looked up to see a very very angry Randolf standing in front of them. 

"Ummm, hi Mr. Randolf, sir," Pig Pen said. Randolf just glared at him.

"Sallywhatever Boatdock and Penguin Nook. I should have known," Randolf said. He grabbed the two by the ears and dragged them into the kitchen.

"You both have to wash and put away these dishes with no allowance until the end of the party. The party ends in 5 hours. Also, because I had assumed that you would do something like this, I made everyone here eat their 1sts, 2nds, and more on separate plates. Have fun!" Randolf said as he left. 

"Did I mention that I absolutely _HATE _you?" Pig Pen said to Sally as the started the dishwashing.

****

(K/N: HI AGAIN!!! Did you like it? Sad to say, but this is a rewrite. A part of this chapter hinted at a PG-13 rating, so I made Pig Pen a huge video game freak… JUST LIKE ME!!!!! YAY!!! Anyways, please review! Reviews feed my characters, and they haven't eaten in a couple of months…)


	2. CHAPTER 2! YAY!

**(K/N: CHAPTER 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOO!!!!)**

Lord of the Soda: The Fellowship of the Soda

Chapter 2: Killblow's Departure.

**Disclaimer: SEE CHAPTER 1!!!!!!!!!!**

_Last time we met, Sally and Pig Pen blew up a big, fat firework in a tent; Crowdo was being chased by fangirls; Killblow was going to give a big fat speech; and Spam, well, he went home already._

****

**_(_S/N: Why do we have to say this? Didn't they read the first chapter?)**

**(K/N: Because it's many hours later and that's where we are now.)**

Well Kill- I mean "JABBA" has to give a speech, and everyone is only listening because his speech signals the end of the party. 

"Attention all you freaks!!!!!! Today is my 111th birthday! Woooooooo!!!!" he said.

"Dang that's old!" Crowdo muttered as soon as he got a moment to rest.  Then he was chased by fangirls again. 

"Anyways, I just want to tell you this...I'M KING OF THE WORLD!!!!!!!!!!! NOW BOW DOWN TO ME, DROOL MONKEY!!!!" Killblow cried.

You hear random hobbits muttering "Oh no! Not again!!!!" as Killblow climbs on top of the tent. He rambles on and on, and soon, no one cares anymore.

**(Jabba: HEY!!! This is an important speech!)**

**(S/N: No, it's not.)**

**(J/N: YES, it is!)**

**(S/N: NO!!)**

**(J/N: YESSSSS!!!)**

**(S/N: NO IT AINT!! HERE! CHUG A SODA! DIE FOR ALL I CARE!!)**

_Sabra then throws a soda at Killblow._

**(K/N: Uhhh...Sabie? That's the evil soda of Mt. Evilness...)**

**(S/N: Ooops.)**

_Killblow, being the stupid senile old fart he is, drank the evil soda and disappears. The whole crowd cheers because he is gone. _

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*           

Meanwhile, Killblow was, yet again, smoking weed. Randalf walks into the hole.

"HI RANDI!!!!!" Killblow exclaimed when he saw Randalf. Randalf cringes when he hears Killblow.

"Don't call me that." Randalf looks at the smoke filling the room. 

"ARE YOU SMOKING WEED????? I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT!!!!! YOU'LL SCAR CROWDO!!!!!"

Killblow shrugs. "Too late," he replies. "The fan girls have gotten to him already. So why bother?"

"Maybe because he's the heir to all of your crap when you croak."

"He is? I thought that he was just some guy that lived with me...."

"Ughhh. Whatever.....so, are you going to go stay with the elves like you planned?"

"I don't think that the elves like me that well," Killblow said sadly.

"Well, nobody does." Randalf muttered. Then he said to Killblow, "No they won't, Killblow. They just adore you!"

"Ok!" Killblow starts to head out the door. Then he turns around as if he forgot something. "Oh yeah. Here, take this can of soda and give it to Crowdo. I don't really like the taste of evil. And don't forget to feed the cat!"

"You have a cat?" Randalf asked with a shock.

"Yup! His name is Crowdo! He's a big kitten and he can talk!"

"HE'S NOT A CAT, HE'S YOUR NEPHNEW!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Killblow doesn't seem to be listening to Randalf. "........and I adopted him when his mommy and daddy  abandoned him!"

"THEY DIDN'T ABANDON HIM! THEY DIED YOU SEINEL OLD FART!!!!!!"****

Crowdo then walks in and starts to cry.

"MY PARENTS ARE DEAD???? YOU SAID THEY WENT TO FIND POTATOES!!!!!! WAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wait, aren't you supposed to be gone, Uncle Killblow?"

"Oh yeah! Hasta la BYE BYE!!!!" Killblow says as he leaves the hobbit hole. 

"Where's he going?" Crowdo asked.

"He's gone to stay with the elves. He's left everything in your name," Randolf said.

"What do you mean? Everything was mine to begin with."

"Say wha?"

"_I _paid the bills, did the dishes, made the meals, and all Uncle Killblow did was eat and smoke everything. And when I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING!"

"Even his cat?"

"He had a cat?"

"Uhhhh... nevermind. Anyways, I need you to go to Mt. Evilness and destroy this evil ring he left you."

"But it's not evil. Look at the label. It's only-"

"NO!!! Don't speak its name! It' s evil, I tell you. EEEEEEEEVVIL!!!"

"Okay, okay. Geez. You're starting to act like Uncle Killblow."

            Both of them shudder. 

"Well, you can't go by your self, since it's a long journey and all. I know! Spam can go with you!"

All of a sudden, they hear something in the bushes. Randolf hits the bushes and drags it into the room. 

"Spam! Just the person I want to see! But why are you in the bushes?" Randolf said happily.

"I... I was stalk- I mean cutting the grass," Spam said.

"Why?" Crowdo asked as he edged away from Spam. 

"Because I wanted to... ummm...get it over with!" Spam responded.

"Okay.....so, ummm, do you wanna destroy some evil soda that will bring certain doom to Middle of da Earth if not?" Crowdo asked. 

"OKAY!! But what about the garden and grass?" 

"Have the cat take care of it," Randolf interrupted.

"Cats can't garden, silly! Wait. You have a cat?" Spam asked.

"Nevermind. So, do you want to go or not?" Randolf said.

"NO! I won't go!" Spam yelled.

"Why?" Crowdo asked.

"Because you get all the girls!!!" Spam cried, "I HATE HIM!! I HATE HIM!! HATE HIM HATE HIM HATE HIM!!!!!!!!"

"Oh come on! PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE???" Crowdo begged. It was pitiful, but then again, it's CROWDO! So do the fan girls mind? NOPE!

"Oh, all right. Only because it's for you! But if I come back to a dead garden, I'll kill you!" Spam said.

"Okay. See you tomorrow," Crowdo said. 

"Okay! I LOVE- I mean, yeah. Later, dude."

Spam left the hobbit hole with Randolf and Crowdo still confused.

"Did he just call me 'dude'?" Crowdo asked.

****

****


	3. CHAPTER 3! EEEEKKKKKK!

Kirsten: ok.... I'm gonna have to give you the disclaimer.... oh well, here it is......  
  
In big, fat print. It's probably as big as the screen WE DON'T OWN ANYTHING!!!!!!!!! NOT CROWDO, KILLBLOW, ANYBODY!!!!!  
Kirsten: Phew! Now, on with the story! :) Oh yeah, this is going to be a short chapter...... SORRY!!!  
  
Kirsten is suddenly hit with books.  
  
Lord of the Soda: The Fellowship of the Soda  
  
Chapter 3: FINALLY LEAVING  
  
So far in our little story, we hear a lot about hobbits, parties, and a whole lot about an evil soda doomed to destroy the whole world a million times over. ANYWAYS, here we are now on chapter 3. ENJOY!  
  
It's morning. EARLY morning. Crowdo (and Kirsten) ABSOLUTLY HATE mornings. So, Crowdo drags behind. Suddenly, Spam stops. Crowdo runs into him.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" Crowdo falls into a mud pit that just happens to be there at the time. As he sinks lower and lower into the mud pit, he looks at Spam, who is just standing there. "A little help here would be nice..." Crowdo stares at Spam hopeful that he could help the poor wet hobbit out of the mud.  
  
Spam just doesn't seem to care. In fact, he's ignoring Crowdo. "If I take one more step further, it will be the farthest from home I've ever been."  
  
Crowdo meanwhile has climbed out of the pit and is now steaming mad. And covered with mud. "Gee, thanks a lot," Crowdo tells Spam sarcastically.  
  
"No, really. If I take one more step, it'll be the farthest from home I've ever been." Crowdo walks over to Spam.  
  
"YOU WUSS- I mean, cheer up Spam, Remember what old Uncle Killblow used to say:"  
  
All of a sudden Killblow's voice is heard. He says, "POTATOES!!!!! AND PIE! I LOVE PIE!!!!!!!! YUMMIE, YUMMIE, YUMMIE!!!!!! I'm hungry, Crowdo. Are you?"  
  
Crowdo and Spam looked weirded out. "Ummmm....... let's not....." Crowdo instantly said.  
  
"Yeah, I totally agree," Spam replied. Both of the hobbits got up and started to walk again.  
  
Sabra's Note: Now is the time where you would see a big clock with the hours spinning by, but someone had to lose it in her purse! Kirsten's Note: Well SORRY!!!!! Here! LALALALA I'M WASTING TIME LALALALALALALAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Several hours later, Crowdo and Spam are walking through a cornfield. They've been walking for a half an hour. Well, Crowdo was ahead and he made a wrong turn.  
  
"Crowdo?" Spam asked. "Crowdo?" he asked louder.  
  
"CROWDO????" Spam screamed. Crowdo jumped from behind a corner.  
  
"WHAT IS IT?????" Crowdo asked angrily. "Sheesh, I could hear you all the way from the crop circle over there!" Crowdo points to a crop circle that just happened to appear. All of a sudden, a helicopter arrives and about twenty or so men in black suits spring out of the helicopter.  
  
"What do you know about the ULTAMENT INSULT?" one of them asked strictly.  
  
"ULTAMENT INSULT?" Crowdo and Spam asked simultaneously.  
  
"Umm..... forget that..." the supposed leader of the government suits asked.  
  
Then as quickly as they arrived, the suits left.  
  
"Okay......" Spam said confused about what happened.  
"Well, umm... we're still in the Shire, what else could happen?"  
  
Then, as if on cue, two Hobbits cut through the cornfield and crash into Crowdo and Spam. It's Sally and Pig Pen.  
  
"HEY!!!! It's Crowdo and Spam!" Pig Pen exclaimed.  
  
"Hi, Crowdo and Spam!" Sally responded happily.  
  
Pig Pen turned to Sally. "I WASN'T TALKING TO YOU, STUPID!!!!!!!!" Pig Pen yelled angrily. Sally started to cry.  
  
"I sob thought that SOB we were SOB! BEST FRIENDS!!!!!" SOB!!!!!! Sally wailed.  
  
"What's this all about?" Spam asked.  
  
"I'm mad at him because he blew up one of Randalf's fireworks, and I GOT BLAMED!!!!! I HATE HIM!!!!"  
  
"That was a week ago......" said Crowdo. "Shouldn't you two be throwing things at each other?"  
  
All of a sudden, you hear someone shouting. "GET BACK HERE YOU BLEEP BLEEP BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!"  
  
Spam notices the food that Sally and Pig Pen are carrying. "OOOOHHH! FOOD- I mean, YOU STOLE FROM FARMER BOB'S CROP AGAIN, DIDN'T YOU?!"  
  
"And Mrs. Bob, Baby Bob, and Farmer Joe!" Sally responded cheerfully.  
  
"Farmer Joe?" Crowdo and Spam asked in unison.  
  
"Farmer Bob's cousin. And you call yourselves a social butterfly." replied Pig Pen coldly.  
  
"And don't forget Bubba!" Sally exclaimed.  
  
"Let me guess. Another cousin?" Crowdo asked sarcastically.  
  
Pig Pen pulls out a big bone. "No silly, his dog!"  
  
Crowdo then notices a humongous bag that has "KITTY CHOW" printed on it.  
  
"Ok, Let me guess AGAIN. The "KITTIE CHOW" is for my cat," Crowdo says.  
  
"You have a cat?" Sally asked.  
  
"Umm. No. Is it for your cat?"  
  
"No! What made you think of that? It's for Killblow! He just LOVES the stuff!" Pig Pen replied cheerfully.  
  
"Ewwww....... Anyway, Spam and I are going to go destroy this evil can of soda that will bring ultimate doom to the world if not destroyed. You wanna come?" Crowdo asked.  
  
"OOOOOHHHH!!!!! A FEILD TRIP!!!! YAY!" Sally and Pig Pen exclaimed. The four hobbits, with their pockets overflowing with vegetables, headed down the path that they somehow found.  
  
KN: Sorry it's a short chapter, we'll try to make the next one longer. Emphasize on "TRY". 


	4. CHAPTER 4! WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOO!

Kirsten's Note: YAY!!!!! OUR FIRST REVIEW!!!!!! Thanks a lot, Anon! :) Oh yeah, one more thing. All flames can and will be used to make tasty smores. THANKS TO ALL THOSE WHO READ AND REVIEW! You all make us glad to be writing this insanity we call fan fiction. THANKS!!!!!  
  
Sabra's Note: Anyways........  
Lord of the Soda: The Fellowship of the Soda  
  
Chapter 4: The Skipping Seal  
  
Ok, ok. Well, now Sally and Pig Pen are part of the group. Now they are still in the Shire, I think. Any who, it's nighttime, and well, they're being chased by the infamous SodaWraiths, tall people who wear all pink. Sally decides to lead Spam, Crowdo, and Pig Pen to the Blueberry Ferry. Sally, Spam, and Pig Pen are already on the ferry. Crowdo, not being the fastest hobbit in the Shire, is still running for his life.  
  
"COME ON, CROWDO!" shouts Sally.  
  
"RUN, CROWDO, RUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNN!!!" Pig Pen screams. Well, Crowdo jumps.  
  
"AIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!" Crowdo shreiks as he leaps mid air to the to raft that the others are on. All of a sudden, there is a big splash. Crowdo fell in to the river, splashing water and mud all over one of the Wraiths. The Wraith did not look happy.  
  
"UGH! LOOK WHAT YOU STUPID THING DID!!!! NOW I HAVE TO GO WASH THIS!!!! AND THIS IS DRY-CLEAN ONLY!!!!!!" the SodaWraith yelled. It stomped off and mounted its pink horse Bubble Gum. The other Wraiths started to laugh at the muddy Wraith.  
  
"SHUTUP!!!!" the SodaWraith hissed. Then all 9 of them galloped off.  
  
"Ok............" Crowdo stated as soon as the Wraiths ran off. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
It's a couple of minutes later, and the hobbits finally arrive at Flee, home of the Krabby Patty- I mean, home of the Skipping Seal. Crowdo knocks on the door, being that he's the only one brave enough to knock on the door. (Actually, they were thinking about throwing Pig Pen at the door, but they decided not too.)  
  
K/N: I just LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE blackmail!  
  
"Hellllloooooooo........ Anyone there........?" asked Crowdo. "Hello......?"  
  
"HEY! IS ANYONE THERE????????" Pig Pen yelled as he pounded on the door with his little hobbit fists. Then he started to kick the poor old door.  
  
"HEY, HEY, HEY!!!!!!" The guy at the door cried. Let's call him Bob. "Ooooooohhhhhhh...... LOOKIE! HOBBITS!!! (GASP!) FOUR HOBBITS!!! Well, what brings you to Flee? Are you here for the Dora the Explorer tm Convention? If you go now, they're singing the "We Did It" song. And you get a free Boots!" Bob shrieked to the very scared hobbits. He reaches down and grabs four monkeys and hands them to the hobbits. Then he opens the gate and the four hobbits walk through.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The Hobbits arrive at the Skipping Seal. It's raining. Crowdo and the others are just staring at the worn down building. It seems to be that Sally has taken all of the monkeys and is talking to them.  
  
"HI! My name is Sally. What's yours? Boots? But there is already a Boots. Oh.... it's short for Bootina? OK! Here, meet my other friends-" Sally lunges for Pig Pen's monkey, but Pig Pen lifts it so that Sally won't get it.  
  
"How many times have I told you NOT TO TOUCH MY MONKEY?" Pig Pen screamed.  
  
Sally gave Pig Pen the big fat puppy dog eyes. They're so big, it'll make you want to say, "AWWWWWWWW!!!!"  
  
"Ugh! Fine! Have him! But I swear, if you do any harm to him, you will be DEAD!" Pig Pen bitterly said.  
  
Sally jumped up with glee. "YAY!!!! MORE FRIENDS!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Can we go in now?" asked Crowdo. "I think I'm gonna get a cold or something...."  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The hobbits get to the desk, which is about twice their height.  
  
"Hi! What do ya want? We got some midget-I mean- HOBBIT sized rooms if you want that." said the innkeeper, Bob.  
  
"Yeah, ummm, actually, we're looking for someone. Feeny. Randalf Feeny," asks Crowdo.  
  
"Hmmm... Feeny. Feeeeeeeeeeeeeeny. . . OH YEAH!!!!! THAT FREAK OWNS ME $100!!! I'M GONNA GET THAT NO GOOD MOTHER-"  
  
"Ummm... We want a hobbit room then," said Pig Pen quickly.  
  
"You would? Grrrrreat! Just one thing. Where are your parents, little kids?" asked Bob.  
  
"I'M 33 YEARS OLD!!!!!!!!" screamed Crowdo.  
  
"I don't know... You look pretty young to me..."  
  
"AGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" Crowdo throws down some money and storms off, dragging Spam, Sally, and Pig Pen.  
  
"Geez, what a crabby little kid. I hope his parents find him..." states Bob as he places the money in the cash register.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Now the hobbits are at the little "restaurant". Crowdo is still fuming over Bob calling him "a little kid". Spam is right behind him, reassuring him. Pig Pen is over at the bar, and Sally, well, he wandered off. Something about more monkeys. Spam notices a guy over in the corner.  
  
"That guy's been staring at you ever since he got here," states Spam.  
  
"What's wrong with that?" asks Crowdo.  
  
"Doesn't that bother you at all? Just someone staring at your every move. Watching you drink your drink. Then he or she will take you and do horrible things to you!"  
  
"AHHH! What made you think of something horrible like that?"  
  
"I saw a program like that on CNN. Very informative."  
  
"Ugh..."  
  
"I wonder why you missed it, Mr. Ummmm... Overthehill. Yeah, that will do. Anyways, how come you missed it?"  
  
"I don't know..." K & S Note: FLASHBACK!!!!!!  
  
Crowdo comes home after spending the whole day reading his favorite book. Spam told Crowdo about a program on CNN that was very interesting and that he should watch it in case he goes out on an adventure. He finds his Uncle Killblow sitting on what remains of a couch. He turns to where the TV would be.  
  
"WHAT HAPPENED????" Crowdo yelled. "WHERE'S MY TV?????"  
  
"Oh thaaaat thing. Are you sure it's not food? It's very delicious."  
  
"AGH!!!!!!!"  
  
"Did I mention that me and the kitty need more food? We're out and we are very hungry."  
  
"AGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Crowdo grabs his book and spends the next couple of days in the forest.  
  
END FLASHBACK!!!!!  
  
Bob walks by. Crowdo stops him. "Who's that guy in the corner there?"  
  
"Actually, I don't know. I think his name is Glider or something like that. Anyways, have you found your parents yet, little kid?"  
  
Crowdo jumps on top of the table. "AGHHHHHHHH!!!!!" he screams as loud as he could. "I'M NOT A LITTLE KID!!!!!! I AM CROWDO! CROWDO MAGGINS OF THE SHIRE!!!! I'M 33 YEARS OLD!!! GET THAT! 33!" Pig Pen runs back to the table and helps Spam to try to get Crowdo off the table. Crowdo knocks them both off him and keeps on yelling. "I'M NOT SOME LITTLE KID!!!! I AM A FULL GROWN ADULT!!! I'M A FULL GROWN A-" Crowdo falls off the table. Somehow, the soda spills in his mouth and Crowdo magically disappears.  
  
Everyone stands in awe and looks at Pig Pen. "Hey! It's not my fault," Pig Pen stated. 


	5. CHAPTER 5! YEEEEEE HAAAAAWWWWWW!

Lord of the Soda: The Fellowship of the Soda  
  
Chapter 5: Ara-Strider-Poly-GLIDER!  
  
Crowdo is in the "Soda-Realm". It's all freaky, blurry, and just weird. Well anyway, Pig Pen and Spam, and the newly joined Sally are frantically looking for Crowdo. Oh yeah, because of the evil Soda, the SodaWratihs are now on the outskirts of the town. Not good.  
  
As the insane authors say, the SodaWraiths are outside Flee. Ummm, now they are knocking on the gate. The guy at the gate opens the little window.  
  
"Ooooooohhhhhhh...... LOOKIE! SODAWRAITHS!!! (GASP!) NINE SODAWRAITHS!!! Well, what brings you to Flee? Are you here for the Dora the Explorer tm Convention? If you go now, they're singing the "We Did It" song. And you get a free Boots!" Bob shrieked to the very annoyed SodaWraiths. In response, the SodaWraiths knock down the gate. As the SodaWraiths trampled over the gate, you hear a muffled voice from under the gate. "Don't... you... want... your... Boots?"  
  
"HECK NO!!!!" the SodaWraiths yelled. They run into the town, but stop when they hear someone singing.  
"We did it! We did it! We trampled the guy who tried to get us Boots...oh crap. Now I have the song stuck in my head. Can I kill myself?" one of the SodaWraiths asked.  
  
"Nope! We can never die!" the rest replied.  
  
"NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"  
  
MEANWHILE...  
  
Crowdo crawls underneath a table and lets out a huge burp. With the power of the belch, Crowdo becomes visible again. "Phew. At least no one saw me..."  
  
All of a sudden, a hand reaches out and grabs Crowdo. The person drags Crowdo up the stairs into his room. As soon as both of them are in the room, the person throws Crowdo across the floor and closes the door.  
  
"RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPEEEEE!!!!!!!" Crowdo screamed. The person walks up to Crowdo. "GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU PERV! AND YOU'RE STINKY!!!!!"  
  
"Dude, I'm not gonna rape you. That's gross. Besides, I have a girlfriend. Why would you think of that?"  
  
"I saw a program of that on CNN."  
  
"CNN? What's CNN?"  
  
"Grr...nevermind. Anyways, what do you want? I kinda have to find my  
friend Randolf."  
  
"Randolf the Red? He owes me $50!"  
  
"Geez! Does he owe everyone in Middle Earth money?"  
  
"Well, um...Randolf has a little gambling problem. The thing is, he's not as good as he thinks he is."  
  
"Ok then. Can I leave now?"  
  
"No! I have to say my big fat speech!" The person clears his throat. "I can avoid to be seen from time to time, but to disappear entirely, now that's a rare gift."  
  
"You're dang right it's a gift!"  
  
"SHUTUP! Anyways, are you frightened?"  
  
"Nope! I'm just utterly confused!" Crowdo stated proudly.  
  
"UGH! I GIVE UP!!!!! One. Why are you confused? Two. Next time you have a big fat speech that is important to the story, I swear, I'm gonna ruin it!"  
  
"One, just who are you? And two, I'll make sure that when I say my speech, you won't be there!" Crowdo sticks out his tongue. Suddenly, the person draws out his sword. "AGH! What are you gonna do to me now?"  
  
The door opens and in comes Spam, with a piece of stinky cheese, Pig Pen, with a rolling pin, and Sally, with, well, a monkey.  
  
"LAY OFF OF HIM, OR I'LL THROW THIS STINKY CHEESE AT YOU!!!!!" Spam cried.  
  
"AND MY ROLLING PIN!" cried Pig Pen.  
  
"." stated Sally. Everyone stares at Sally. "Oh! Hi there! Who are you? My name's Sally. Do want to play with my monkeys and me? We're playing 'Pirate Adventures'!"  
  
"My name's Glider. And no, I can't play 'Pirate Adventures' with you. I've got to do. stuff." Glider answered.  
  
"Oh. Can I help?"  
  
"No. Actually, all of you need to stay here. I smell something bad."  
  
"Ummm. I think it's the cheese," states Spam.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The SodaWraiths are in the hobbit's room. Each of them stands over a bed.  
  
"Are you sure this is the right room? It doesn't smell like hobbit in here." one of the SodaWraiths asks.  
  
"Of course it's the right room! Remember? It's 'Stinky Cheese Soup Night' at the Skipping Seal! Only people who aren't from here eat that stuff!" the leader of the SodaWraiths replied.  
  
"But this is a hotel, most of the people aren't from here."  
  
"Well, it looks like the hobbits we're looking for."  
  
"Whatever. Let's just stab them and get home. 'American Idol's' gonna be on in a couple of hours. They're down to the final 3!"  
  
The SodaWraiths pull out their swords and stab the beds that the hobbits are in. A sticky, red liquid oozes from the bed.  
  
  
  
All of a sudden, one of the SodaWraiths who isn't stabbing shrieks.  
  
"OHHHHH!!!!!! LOOKIE!!! THEY LEFT US A PRESENT!! HOW SWEET!!! Ohh and look! There's one for each of us!" The SodaWraith throws each of the others, you guessed it, a monkey.  
  
"I'm gonna name you Clay, you Rueben, and you Kimberley!" the 'American Idol' fanatic SodaWraith stated as he pranced around the room.  
  
"I think that we should be getting the soda now." stated the SodaWraith leader. The uncovered the blankets and discovered.  
  
"WHAT!!!!! BUT I'M NEVER WRONG!!!! NEVER!!!" he cried.  
  
The 'hobbits' were really watermelons filled with barbeque sauce and stinky cheese. The SodaWraiths trash the room such as throwing the beds, breaking everything, holding monkeys. wait. All of the SodaWraiths became so frustrated, the monkeys they were holding exploded. The monkeys were filled with water and soaked the SodaWraiths.  
  
"WAHHHHHH!!!!!!!" cried the SodaWraiths. "WE WANT OUR MOMMIES!!!"  
  
"AND THE NEAREST DRY CLEANER PLACE!!!!" one of them cried. The  
SodaWraiths ran out of the town.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
The hobbits are looking out the window. Glider is polishing his sword for the fifth time. The hobbits are laughing their heads off.  
  
"Did you see the look on their. ummm. faces?" Crowdo asked while laughing.  
  
"That was even funnier than the time we lit one of Randolf's fireworks!" Sally stated. Then he fell off the bed with a big Thud.  
  
"Shhhhhhh. You're not supposed to say that." Pig Pen responded bitterly.  
  
All of a sudden, Bob the bar/inn keeper comes in carrying a piece of paper. "Awwww. you found your father. how sweet."  
  
"AGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! HE'S NOT MY DADDY!!!!! HE'S JUST A FRIEND!!!!! Or at least I think he is." Crowdo replied.  
  
"Dude, what's with the note?" asked Spam.  
  
"STOP SAYING DUDE!!!!!" cried Crowdo.  
  
"Oh thaaaat thing. it's for you!" Bob the inn/bar keeper replied sheepishly. "I was supposed to deliver that to you, but I forgot, and I just HAD to decorate for the Dora the Explorer© Convention!"  
  
"Just lovely, I think. just give me the note, ok?"  
  
"OK!" Bob hands Crowdo the note and walks off, singing the "We Did It" song.  
  
"Ooooooooh! What does it say?" Sally asked.  
  
" 'Dear Crowdo', Oh lookie! He spelled my name right! He keeps calling me 'Frodo' for some sad reason. 'That soda is really really evil. You must leave the Shire. NOW' Awww, he's concerned. 'Oh yeah, when you get to Flee, whatever you do, DON'T EAT THE SOUP!!!! By my calculations, you should arrive on Stinky Cheese Soup Night, and, well, let's just say that you'll get well acquainted with the bathroom and you will stink for about 10 years.' EWWWW!!!! 'Oh yeah, there's this guy at the Skipping Seal named Glider. He's good, not evil. But make sure he's Glider. There are many freaks in the world Crowdo. I'll meet you at Ribbonbell. BYE!' BYE RANDOLF!!! That was exciting! Hey, are you really Glider?"  
  
Glider pulls something out of his pocket. "Here. Happy?" The something is his ID. It says "Glider. Date of Birth: 3/1/Sometime in the 3rd Age. Eye color: Brown. Hair color: Dark Brown. Organ Donor: YUP!"  
  
Crowdo takes a good look at the ID. "Ok, I guess we have to go with him. Oh yeah, what are they, the people in black? Sorry. I just remembered my line."  
  
"They are the National Association of Zebra, Giraffe, and Unicorn Lovers. NAZGUL for short. They were men once," said Glider.  
  
"What do you mean 'They were men once'?" asked Pig Pen as he shuddered.  
  
"Are they men in drag?" Crowdo asked.  
  
"Where did you hear that??" Glider asked.  
  
"CNN. Why do you ask?"  
  
"Ugh. Nevermind. I mean that they are neither living nor dead. They were great kings. But then the Dark Lord Salmon gave each of them some soda. They took them greedily for each of them has a picture of a unicorn, and they loved them, so they drank without question. One by one, they each fell into shadow, obeying every one of the Dark Lord's commands."  
  
"So in other words, the NAZGUL are Salmon's slave puppies," Spam said.  
  
"AWWWWWWWWW!! Poor widdle puppies!!!! WAH!" Sally cried. He obviously did not pay attention to the previous conversation. Crowdo whacks him in the head.  
  
"We better get going. According to this letter, we are supposed to meet Randolf at Ribbonbell, and this it dated to about a month ago. He's probably waiting for us now."  
  
"YAY!!!!! ANOTHER FIELD TRIP!!!!" cheered Sally.  
  
"SHUTUP SALLY!!!!" everyone else yelled. 


	6. CHAPTER 6! HURRAY!

(K & S/N: AND NOW, THE CHAPTER YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR. A WHOLE CHAPTER ON RANDOLF!!!! NA NA NA NA NA NA NAAAAAAAA! NA NA NA NA NA NANANANA!!!!)  
  
Lord of the Soda: The Fellowship of the Soda  
  
Chapter 6: It's All About the Randolf, Baby.  
  
(INSERT DANCE HERE)  
  
Randolf was riding on his horse towards a huge tower. Suddenly, a man walks down the stairs and he speaks out.  
  
"So, you came all this way just to ask for my advice? HA! I KNEW YOU WERE A LOSER!!!!" says the laughing wizard while pointing at Randolf. Suddenly, other creatures, including the trees, were laughing at Randolf.  
  
"Yeah yeah, just shut up Count Dookumon," replied Randolf. "You know what? You still look like your mamma. Actually, she looks better than you."  
  
"Ooooooooooooo." said the creatures.  
  
"WHAT DID YOU SAY??" yelled Count Dookumon. "I'M NOT UGLY!!!!"  
  
"Ok, ok. But your mamma is so fat, she sat on a rainbow and skittles popped out!"  
  
"That's low," replied Count Dookumon. "My mamma has an eating disorder."  
  
All of a sudden, a slightly large elderly woman walks in. "What did you say, County baby?"  
  
"Nuthin' Mamma Dookumon. I was just playing with my friends."  
  
"Well, ok. Be nice to your friends. Bye bye babykins." Mamma Dookumon gives Count Dookumon a kiss on the forehead. Count Dookumon shudders as Randolf and the other creatures hold back their laughs until Mamma Dookumon leaves.  
  
"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!! MAMMA'S BOY! MAMMA'S BOY!!!" laughed Randolf and the creatures.  
  
"HEY!!! Just for that..I'll.throw you on top of a tower for EVAH!"  
  
"You know.you just cut off 20 minutes of the story. Now we'll never win a golden popcorn, loser!!!!" All of a sudden, a 5 ton bucket of golden popcorn falls in front of them. The inscription reads:  
  
To the best widdle peachie babykins EVER!!! I WUV YOU!!!!!! ~Mama Dookumon  
  
"AWWWWWWWWWWW!!! MAMMA WUVS YOUUUUUU!!!!" Randolf laughed. Then, Mamma Dookumon walks in.  
  
"I hope you like it, Countie Dookiekins! My little baby peachie pie!!!"  
  
"MAMMA!!!!!!! How many times do I have to tell you not to do that in front of my friends! How can I be evil if you call me 'peachie pie' and 'Countie Dookiekins'?"  
  
"Sorry, anglepie. I just love you very much! And I got this card for you!" Mamma Dookuman said as she gave Count Dookuman a card. The card had a cute little bear with big eyes, and had a voice chip thing that said "I Wuv You BEARY Much!" every time he opened the card.  
  
"EWWWWW!!! MAMMA!!!" Count Dookuman yelled, "Just LEAVE!"  
  
"Fine, but if you need me, I'll be in the kitchen!" Mamma Dookuman said as she left.  
  
"Hey! Can I have some cookies? I'm hungry." Randolf asked Count Dookumon.  
  
"NO! NOW GET OUT OF HERE!!!!" Count Dookumon yelled and uses his staff to send Randolf flying through the celing to the top of the tower. Then Mamma Dookumon skips in with a huge tray of chocolate chip cookies.  
  
"Oh, where did your little friend go, hunnybunch?" Mamma Dookumon asked.  
  
"He. uh. left. Yeah, he left. Something about hobbits, monkeys, and Stinky Cheese Night."  
  
"Well ok, baby, you can have these cookies then."  
  
"I wuv you mamma."  
  
Randolf has been watching this from the hole on the floor as he cluches his stomach. "I'm gonna be sick. I wonder if Crowdo is ok."  
  
(K/N: Well, ummm. I said that there will be a whole chapter on Randolf, I didn't say that it will be long. FINE! There will be more Randolf in the next chappy, but now I gotta go on vacation to find my brain.)  
  
(S/N: Like you have one.) 


	7. CHAPTER 7! SWEET!

**Lord of The Soda: The Fellowship of Soda**

**Chapter 7: Top of the Weather...or is it whether?**

The hobbits are following Glider through the deep wilderness.  Crowdo is looking around very nervously, Spam is looking at Crowdo, Pig Pen is playing his Game Boy,

(S/N: AWW!!! He looks so cute with his little tongue sticking out when he plays!!!)

and Sally is crying over his lost monkeys.

"WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I want my monkeys!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" he cries.  The rest of the group plugs their ears, and Sally cries for hours.  

A FEW HOURS LATER:

"AGH!!! I can't take it anymore!!! Hey, Pig Pen, what do you have in you arms?" Crowdo says.  Pig Pen walks to Sally, who is knee deep in tears.

"Hey, Sally. Look what I got!" Pig Pen says.  He gives Sally a badly made homemade Boots.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAK!!! Thank you, Pig Pen!!!!" Sally screams. He squeezes Pig Pen until Pig Pen's eyes start to pop out. 

"Can't… breathe…" Pig Pen gasped. Sally lets go of him and squeezes his new Boots doll. But then the head of the Boots doll fell off. 

"WAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!" Sally cried.

"Oh, no! Not again!" everyone else yelled.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Randolf has been up on top of the tower for about 2 weeks.  He is rocking back and forth when a moth comes flying by.

"Hi there, little moth. Can you do a little favor for me?" Randolf asks.

"Whatever. What is it?" the moth replies.

"Can you get one of the eagles to fly over here to rescue me? I swear, if I hear the words, 'I WUV you' one more time, I'll kill myself."

"Oh yeah, that reminds me, the eagles told me to tell you that they won't help you unless you pay them the money you owe."

"Well tell them that I have the money."

"You don't look like you have money…"

"I DO have money! I just… I don't have it with me."

"Nope! No deal!"

"I'll just have to throw this cute doll away then." Randolf says holding a little plushie that looks oddly like Crowdo. Too oddly… 

"Ohhh! GIMMIE!" the moth exclaimed. He takes the doll and makes it dance.

SUDDENLY…

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!??? THIS ISN'T A MUSICAL!!!! STOP DANCING!" Glider cries while Crowdo is in the air, doing a cute little dance.

(K/N: You know in The Fellowship of the Ring movie where Frodo does his little chicken dance? Yup, THAT one!)

BACK TO RANDOLF… 

"Fine, fine, I'll do this for you, but if the eagles pick you apart into little pieces, it ain't my fault." said the moth. It flies off carrying the Crowdo doll.

NOW BACK TO CROWDO….

"There it is, Top of the Whether… or is it weather? Oh well, that's not important right now… we're gonna camp here tonight."

"You mean right here or at the one hilly whether place?" asked Pig Pen. Suddenly, Crowdo starts to throw confetti and blowing streamers while Spam puts a tape in a boombox that suddenly appeared. Happy music begins to play.

"YAHOO!!!! YAY! Hey! Guess what, Pig? You're the new King of Stupidity!" exclaimed Crowdo. He takes a paper crown out of his bag and places it on Pig Pen's head. Pig Pen frowns as Sally, Crowdo, and Spam dance around him like loonies.

"Well, I might as well get it over with…" Pig Pen says. He notices that Glider is leaving. "Where are you going?" he said.

"Out. Later," Glider said as he was walking away.

"Out where?" Sally asked.

"Just outside for a bit." answers Glider.

"And that would be…?" asks Sally.

"LONG LIVE THE KING!" exclaimed Crowdo as he takes the paper crown off Pig Pen and places it on Sally's head.

"Hobbits." Glider said under his breath. "Oh yeah. Here. Take these daggers. Only use them for protection."

The hobbits took the daggers, but the daggers looked like swords. 

"Now BYE!!!" Glider yelled as he ran off. The hobbits just looked at each other.

"I'm tired. Goodnight!" Crowdo said.

"But wait! You can't go to bed without a story, cookies, and milk!" Sally said.

"Sally, I haven't needed those since I was 3!"

"No wonder he's so cranky," Pig Pen whispered to Spam.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"I'm cold," said Spam.

"I'm hungry," said Pig Pen.

"I'M STUPID!" exclaimed Sally. Crowdo wakes up.

"Geez, I don't think that the elves in Mittendrum heard you loud enough. Why don't you say it louder?" Crowdo said sarcastically.

"Ok. I'M-" said Sally. Pig Pen tackles him while Spam gets out the duct tape out and gives it to Crowdo then wraps Sally's head in the duct tape.

"Mmmmphhhhhh!" Sally screams. He isn't that loud because of the duct tape and all.

"There. MUCH better." says Crowdo. All of a sudden, a screech is heard.

"Not me." says Pig Pen.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The hobbits are now on the top floor of Top of the Weather.

(S/N: We're calling it that so we won't have to say the chapter name over and over again)

All of a sudden, 5 riders in pitch-black robes walk through with fog surrounding their feet.

"Baaaaaaaaaaggggggiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnssssssssss," the leader of the black riders said that sounded more like hissing.

"Ummmm….. noooooo….." replied Crowdo. "I'm CROWDO MAGGINS. I think you got the wrong creepy hilly place."

The black riders start to talk amongst themselves.

"We got the wrong one!" one of them cried.

"I KNEW we should turned at the trolls. But did you listen to me? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! And now we're lost! Ugh! I'm leaving!" another one said. He stomps off. The other black riders shrug and follow the first one.

"Okay…." Crowdo said as the black riders took off.

"Other than that dog dressed up as a cow, I'd say that was the weirdest thing I've seen this week!" said Spam. Then another high pitched is heard.

"I THOUGHT WE TOLDS YA TO STAY AWAY!" shouted Pig Pen in a thick Scottish accent that he suddenly picked up. Then a song is heard:  

_EVIL! THEY'RE EVIL! WATCH OUT! THEY'RE EVIIIIIIIIIIL!_

"Wow… I wonder what they are…" said Spam while rolling his eyes. Then, 9 riders in hot neon pink pajamas appear.

(K/N: Hey, the robes are at the dry-cleaner's again!)

_"EVIL!!! THEY'RE EVIL!!! WATCH OUT!! THEY'ER EEEEEVVVVVVIIIIIIIILLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"_ the song played.

"Ummm… you can stop now," said the leader of the pink riders. The music stopped. 

"You don't look so scary to me," says Crowdo.

"RAWR!" hissed one of the riders while trying to make a scary face. The hobbits laughed at him.

"Ummm… In order to do that, you need a face," said Crowdo.

"Oh yeah, umm…" the SodaWraith said. "You have something on your foot." he says to Crowdo.

Crowdo looks down at his feet. "There's nothing on my-" It's too late. The SodaWraiths tackled him to the floor. Eight of them hold him down while the leader gets a tube and a huge container labeled "YUM YUM BRAND PUDDING".

"HELP!!!! SPAM! PIG! SALLY! ANYBODY!!!!" Crowdo screams as loud as he can. "Wait, where are they?" he suddenly asks himself.

Suddenly, the camera zooms over to one of the statures. Tied to the tallest one are Pig Pen, Spam, and Sally.

"That's no fair!" Sally says.

"What's not fair?" Spam and Pig Pen ask.

"Crowdo gets free food." Sally says disgruntled.

"Sally, we're tied to a stature that is about 100 feet tall. The ropes are cutting our skin, and we are left here to DIE, and all you think about is FOOD???" Pig Pen asks annoyed. 

"Well, DUH!" Sally answers with a bit of attitude in his voice.

"Ugh, I've had enough of you two!" Spam yells. He slides underneath the ropes and walks away muttering something.

"Ummm…" Pig Pen says surprised.

"TIG!" Sally yells as he hits Pig Pen as hard as he could.

"AHHHH!!!" Pig Pen screams.

MEANWHILE… 

"Bye Honeysuckle, be back soon. I'm just going to go play BINGO with my friends. Remember, there's food in the fridge, and DON'T USE THE OVEN! Love you, angel cakes!" Mamma Dookumon said to her son. She was wearing her usual dress, but now has a coat, gloves, and a purse.

"Ok, mamma. Love you too. Bye!" Count Dookumon replies. As soon as his mom leaves, two orcs come in.

"Yo, whazzup, whazzup, Dooko! Wez gots some sweeeeeeeeet things to show ya." the first orc says.

"Yeah, it's off the HEAZY FO SHEEZY!!" The second one pipes in.

(K&S/N: Good gravy! We will never say that in our lives, because of 3 words: Malibu's Most Wanted.)

"Ummm… Ok, whatever, let's just go to my tree house." Count Dookumon said.

"Yeah, about that, well, the PAR-TAY got off da HOOK!"

"But don't worry, Dooko man, we builds ya a sweet underground cavern for ya!" the first one chirped before Count Dookumon killed them.

"Well… Let's get going!" said Count Dookumon happily. He walks off in a skipping sort of way.

"I thoughts we were to get Bar-be-qued!" said the first one.

"Fo shizzle?"

"Fo shizzle my dizzle!" The two orcs walk off, talking in their 'gangsta' language.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

Glider comes back into the woods with a couple of bags in his hands.

"Who wants McDonalds?" he asks, expecting the hobbits to be sitting peacefully. Suddenly he hears screaming.

"Grr…what have they done NOW?" Glider said as he ran to the top of Top of the Weather. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"WAHHHH!!!! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?" cries Crowdo. 

"Shutup and stay still!" one of the SodaWraiths replied. The other 8 put a plastic tube down his throat and turn on the machine. Soon, chocolate pudding goes through the tube and into Crowdo's stomach.

"EHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" yells Glider.

(K/N: It's his battle cry!)

"Ok…" says the SodaWraiths. They go back to filling Crowdo with pudding. Suddenly he gets out a Super Soaker and sprays all the SodaWraiths with water. They all get drenched and abandon the now empty barrel of pudding and Crowdo. They leave, screeching and saying things that cannot be said in a PG rating.

"MMMMMMMPPPPPHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" cries Crowdo. Glider turns around to find Crowdo about the size and shape of the moon. Two rocks are preventing him from rolling away. Glider goes to Crowdo and inspects the barrel and tube.

"They used the ancient 'Death by Pudding' method. That's not good. Well, you're lucky to have even SURVIVED the procedure with a container that big," says Glider as he takes the tube out of Crowdo.

"And how long do you think I have to live?" asks Crowdo.

"You know, I have no clue. Maybe Eggplant does…"

Suddenly Spam, Sally, and Pig Pen appear and look at Crowdo.

"Hi Crow- ugh! What happened?" asked Pig Pen.

"Ugh… pudding…" says Crowdo with a sigh.

"We got to get to Lord Eggplant soon, or he'll explode." says Glider with a serious tone.

"But it'll take a whole week to get there! Surely, he'll blow up by then." says Spam.  

"Gee, thanks for the encouragement… and don't call me Surely," says Glider.

(S/N: I don't own the 'don't call me surely'… I think it's from 'airplane' or something like that…)

"Well, from the shape he's in, he can't walk…" says Pig Pen.

"Right, I'm gonna carry him!" says Glider. He picks, or at least ATTEMPT to pick him up. "Well, we'll just have to roll him then." he says out of breath.

AFTER MANY DAYS OF ROLLING… 

"Ugh…my back…" Glider says as he is rolling Crowdo along a path.

"Ugh…my tummy…" Crowdo says as he tries to hold his stomach, but fails.

"Ugh…My Pikachu fainted!!!" Pig Pen says.

(K/N: Yes, the whole time, he was playing Pokemon. Sad, isn't it?)

"Ugh…my poor Crowdo!" Spam says. 

"Spam! Don't say stuff like that! Remember the slash fanfic writers!!!" Crowdo says as they all hear what sounds like writing from fanfic writers and mutters of 'Yay! More stuff for my slash story!'

"Hey! I know what we can do!!" Sally says.

"What?" everyone else says. Sally starts to skip around them.

"I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES!! EVERYBODY'S NERVES! EVERYBODY'S NERVES! I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODYS'S NERVES!! AND THIS IS HOW IT GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS!" Sally sings at the top of his lungs. He takes a breath for a second.

"I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES!! EVERYBODY'S NERVES! EVERYBODY'S NERVES! I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODYS'S NERVES!! AND THIS IS HOW IT GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS!" Now Sally is dancing like a loon as he sings the song over and over again.

HOURS AFTER SALLY STARTS SINGING… 

"AND THIS IS HOW IT GOOOOOOOOOOOOS!" Sally sings and during the 'goooo' part, he did a one-man kick line. You see everyone holding their ears. Except Crowdo. He can't reach his ears and is very miserable. Glider is holding his ears while his elbows are pushing Crowdo. All of a sudden, Crowdo starts rolling on his own very fast.

"Oops…I forgot that there was a cliff there…" Glider says.

"Aaagh! Why couldn't you throw Sally off the cliff?" Pig Pen yelled. 

"I didn't throw him off a cliff!!! He fell!!"

"Yeah, you did!!! You MURDERER!!!

"OOH! Darth Vader? Where??" Sally says. He finally has stopped singing. 

"YEAH!! I'M FINE! DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE FACT THAT I MIGHT HAVE BROKEN MY BACK!!!!" Crowdo yells as the rest of the group runs down the cliff to Crowdo.

"CROWDO!! You're okay!!" Spam says as he hugs Crowdo… errr…actually, Spam hug's Crowdo's arm.

"BACK I TELL YOU, BACK!!!" Crowdo yells at Spam. "Remember the slash writers… REMEMBER THEM!!!!"

"NEVER!" Spam squeezes Crowdo's arm tighter. Crowdo attempts to chase him, but he can't, and he just wiggles. Spam gives a hug, but Crowdo just hisses like a cat. Crowdo suddenly gets bigger.

"Mr. Crowdo? He's gonna blow!" Spam yells.

"Is he going to die?" Pig Pen says with his cute Scottish accent that he only picks up when he says really cute things.

"I think if he explodes, then, yeah, he'll die," says Glider. Pig Pen gives off the saddest look ever. "Fine! I'll go get some Pepto Bismol for him! Stop your crying!" 

"(Sob) Ok, as long as he doesn't explode."

"No, it'll only prolong it."

"WAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"

Glider runs off to get some Pepto Bismol, leaving Pig Pen crying, Spam hugging Crowdo, Crowdo hissing, and Sally just sitting there, looking at the statues of baby pigs and a couple of biology books.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Hmm… grass… rock… Ahh… Pepto Bismol! I found it!" Glider said, while standing by a huge bush with neon pink bottles growing on it. He crouches down and reaches for his pocketknife to cut one of the bottles off the bush. Suddenly, a long sword is right next to his throat.

"Oooh LOOKIE! A RANGER CAUGHT OFF HIS GUARD!!!" giggles the voice.

"No, I have a bazooka attached to the back of my head, if you take one more step, it will automatically shoot you," answers Glider. The voice giggles again.

"No you don't, silly wily goose head! You're just a stupid ranger with NO weapons!"

Glider turns around to see Arwing, his girlfriend.

**(S/N: Yes, Arwen is named after the space ship thingy in Star Fox. This proves that Kirsten and I play WAY too much Super Smash Brothers Melee.)**

"Wait, what happened to Glorifidel?"

MEANWHILE… 

"NUUUU!!!!! WAIT FOR MEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" Glorifedel yelled while running as fast as he can. He could see Glider, Arwing, and Crowdo when suddenly….

"HO HO HO! You look good enough."

"What?" Glorifedel turns around to see… Santa. "AHHHHH!!!!! GLIDER! HELLLLLLLLLP MEEEEEEE!!!!" Glider doesn't pay attention.

"HO HO HO!!! You sure are spirited! I need you on my work force."  
  


"HEEEEEELLLLLLLLP!!!!!" Santa grabs Glorifedel by the hair and drags him behind.

"HO HO HO! You're coming with me."

"(Sigh) oh well…"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Oh yeah! Um…I sent him away so I can see yuuuuuuuuuuu! Tee hee!" she says. Arwing gives Glider a big hug. She mouths "Thank you" to Santa. Santa gives her a thumbs up and then leaves, dragging Glorifidel who is just sulking. 

"(Gasp) Can't…. breathe…" Glider says. Arwing lets go of him. 

"Sorry!" 

"Anyways, you're a fast runner, right?" Glider asks. 

"Yup!"

"Great! I need you to help take my friend get to Ribbenbell. He's the big round one."

They walk to where the hobbits were. Glider gives Crowdo some Pepto Bismol. Crowdo shrinks about 1 millimeter. 

"EWWW! I have to save THAT THING?" Arwing screams. Crowdo starts to cry, which makes Spam cry. Sally runs into a tree, and he's crying, and Pig Pen's pokemon faints, so now he's crying. 

"Great…4 crying hobbits. Here, stay with them. I'm gonna take Crowdo to Ribbonbell." Glider says. He walks to Crowdo.

"NOOOO! I am NOT staying with the crying little kids!" Arwing screams.  

"I'M NOT A KID!!!" Crowdo yells. 

"I broke the Ribbenbell running record, so I'm gonna take him!" Arwing yells. 

"Fine! See ya there," Glider says. Arwing runs off pushing, or more like rolling, Crowdo.

A COUPLE OF DAYS LATER… 

"Ugh… what did you eat? You know, I got a Tae-Bo tape you can borrow…" Arwing said.

"For the 1,000th time, I'M NOT FAT, I'M DYING!!!" said Crowdo. 

"Awww…. that's like, so CUTE!!!! You're in denial!" Arwing said. Suddenly, the Pink Rider's theme song begins to play:

_EVIL!!! THEY'RE EVIL!!!_

_WATCH OUT!!! THEY'RE EEEEEEEEEEVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLL!!!!_

"Uh oh." said Crowdo.

"Awww.... they're CUTE!" said Arwing.

"Didn't you just hear what the song said? WE'RE EVIL!" the leader of the Pink Riders said.

"BUT YOU'RE SO CUDDLY WUDDLY CUTE!!!!" cried Arwing.

"GET HER!!!" screamed the leader of the Pink Riders.

"Meep!" said Crowdo.

**AFTER MANY HOURS OF CHASING (AND ROLLING)...**

"Ugh... this makes my tummy hurt." said Crowdo. Now they are rolling faster than ever. And the Pink Riders are chasing them. Not good. 

Soon, they get to a river. The Pink Riders draw out their straws.

"APPOLOGIZE, YOU SHE-PIG!" the leader of the Pink Riders said.

"NEVER!!!" 

"Fine, can we have the hobbit?"

"If you want him, come and claim him!"

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU'RE JUST GONNA GIVE ME AWAY?" Crowdo cried.

"Yup! You're just too fat." Arwing replied simply.

"AGH!!! Hold on... what was that one thing that I saw on CNN? Oh yeah! Nee-mo-ni lee-do-di nee-mo-dee-liaf. Nee-mo-ni lee-do-di ne-mo-dee-liaf! NEE-MO-NI LEE-DO-DI NEE-MO-DEE-LIAF!! NEE-MO-NI LEE-DO-DI NEE-MO-DEE-LIAF!!!!" Crowdo chanted the spell over and over again. Suddenly, the river comes to life.

**(K/N: Ok. I don't know elvish at all. The spell is just what it sounds like, since it won't show elvish on the TV captions.)**

"Uh oh." Said the NAZGUL. The river leaped over the bank and swept them away. You could see them shaking their fists as they go down the river bend.

"Ugh. My tummy..." Crowdo said. His stomach starts to rumble, as if he was to explode.

"EWWW!!! Don't explode on me!" Arwing cried.

"I'm not supposed to explode! I need to get to RibbonBell. NOW!!!" said Crowdo bitterly. 

"Fine, fine. Hold on." Arwing gives Crowdo a good solid kick. He goes rolling down a hill and straight into Ribbonbell. 

When he gets there, he is unconscious. Eggplant stands over him in a doctor's uniform. "Well, you know what to do." he says.

"PUMP HIS STOMACH! YAY!!!!!" the other Elves yell like a TV studio audience.

"Let's get to work!" Eggplant says as all of the elves, including Eggplant, roll Crowdo into the building.


	8. CHAPTER 8! YEEEE HAW!

**The Lord of the Soda: The Fellowship of the Soda**

**Chapter 8: Ribbonbell At Last!**

Crowdo looks around as he wakes up.

"Ugh, my- hey! My stomach doesn't hurt anymore! YAY!" Crowdo says.

"It's 10 in the morning, on October the 24, by the way. We've been pumping your stomach for 3 weeks."

"RANDALF!! You stood me up!! Why didn't you meet us at the Skipping Seal? You LOSER!!!!" Crowdo is very ticked off. 

"Well SORRRRRY!!! I was...delayed."

"Uh oh. Is there going to be a flashback?"

"Yup!! Flashbacks rule!"

"NUUU! Flashbacks hurt!"

"Not when you're not in them."

"Oh."

**AS PROMISED, FLASHBACK!!!!!**

_Randalf is sitting at a table. It's dark, and Randalf looks like he wants to rip his hair out with tweezers._

_ "Ha! That's $100, Randalf! Pay up!" Innkeeper Bob said as he laid his cards down._

_ "Erm...I'll pay you, but I erm...gave it to the orphanage! BYE!" Randalf said as he quickly ran off. _

_"Aw! Wait...there IS NO ORPHANAGE!!! RANDALF!!!! YOU NO GOOD MOTHER-"_

_            (DING!!)_

_"Oooh! My Stinky Cheese-cake is done!!" Innkeeper Bob squealed. He skipped to the Easy Bake Oven that was holding his Stinky Cheese-cake. All of a sudden, he looks sad. _

_"It's not done...." he said. Then Gatekeeper Bob can be heard through the window. _

_"Ooooh! LOOKIE!!! HOBBITS! (gasp) FOUR HOBBITS!!!!" Gatekeeper Bob said._

**END FLASHBACK!!!!!**

"You WERE there!! You LIED!!! GAH!!!! And I didn't see any orcs....or a fight, for that matter..." Crowdo said. Now he is one 

**(Random insane fangirl: FUH-INE!!!!)**

**(Kirsten's Note: SHADDUP! YOU ARE RUINING THE STORY!!!)**

**(RIF: But he's ADORABLE!!!!)**

**(K/N: Gah.....)**

**(S/N: Kriss, you just sounded like Joey from Yu-gi-oh!)**

**(K/N: eh... anyways...)**

mad little hobbit. He's sitting up, and is about to pop Randalf in the face when......

"CROWDO!! Bless you! You're awake!!!" Spam cried as he dashed into the room. 

"GAAAAH!!!" Crowdo screamed as Spam jumped up and hugged Crowdo.

"Can't.....breathe..." Crowdo gasped. Now Spam is doing the 'happy dance'. But Spam is still holding on to Crowdo, so now Crowdo is being thrown around like a rag doll.

**(Sabra's Note: For those of you who haven't seen the animated The Lord of the Rings, the 'happy dance' is when someone dances in a circle stupidly when they are happy. It's so bad, it's funny!)**

"SPAM!! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU!!!! Don't touch me!!!" Crowdo yelled as Spam finally calmed down.

"Ooops...sorry, Crowdo!" Spam said. 

"Spam....you can let go now..." 

"Oh. Sorry!!" Spam didn't let go.

"GET OFF ME YOU FREAK!!!!" Crowdo screamed. He ran out of the room screaming like a loon. He then ran into Sally and Pig Pen.

"Hey DUDE!!!!!! YOU'RE AWAKE!! SWEET!!" Pig Pen cried happily.

"Totally," replied Crowdo. "NOGGIN!" He and Pig Pen then gave each other a head but. 

"DUDE!!!" they both cried.

"Um... could you guys please quiet down, I have homework to do..." Sally stated.

"Huh? I'm confused...." Crowdo said.

"We figured out why Sally has been... not intelligent..." Pig Pen started, trying not to hurt Sally's feelings.

"It's ok. I don't mind." Sally replied while typing things on a laptop.

"Something tells me that there's going to be a flashback...." Crowdo began.

"Yup, let's get it over with..." Pig Pen replied.

"But I still have to finish my report on pig intestines..." Sally whined.

"Too bad. Let's go." Pig Pen snapped.

**FLASHBACK!!!**

_Eggplant and Randolf were standing in a room. Over to the right, you see Sally playing with a little football. He's whacking it on the floor._

_"WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM????" Eggplant yelled._

_"Nothing... Umm... It's heredity?" Randolf replied._

_"HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE TUTORING MY DAUGHTER!!!!" Eggplant cried. "NOW SHE'S GOING TO FAIL ALGEBRA AND IT'S YOUR FAULT!!!!!"_

_"Prove it."_

_Eggplant goes over to Sally. "Do you have a piece of paper for me?"_

_Sally looks up at him. "HI! I like football. You like football?"  _

_"Don't you have something for me?"_

_"Eh...  maybe.. wait... here ya go!!" Sally hands him a piece of notebook paper. Something is written on it._

**(K/N: ** means action, not what he's saying)**

_Dear Eggplant,_

_I would love to help tutor you daughter, but currently, Randolf is (ow) whacking me on the head with a baseball bat (ow...) I have no apparent reason why he is doing this, but (OW!!!) maybe it has to do with him muttering something about some sort of bet... *whack whack WHACK!!!!!* Me no know, me gotta go nows..._

_BYES BYE!!!_

_sAlLy (TATS MEH!!!)_

_"RANDOLF!!!!!!" Eggplant screamed. "YOU GET YOUR BUTT BACK OVER HERE!!!!!!!!!! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!!!!!" He chased Randalf until he couldn't chase him no more. _

_ "HAHA!" Randalf said as he carted Sally out of Ribbonbell "NOW I'M THE SMARTEST ONE HERE!!!!"_

**END FLASHBACK!!!!**

"Wow, that hurt less than I thought..." Crowdo stated, "But THAT STILL DOESN'T SHOW ANY ORCS!!!!"

"Huh???" asked Pig Pen

"Never mind..." Crowdo said sadly. Suddenly, Glider runs past.

"HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLP MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!" He cries. A woman is chasing him, holding a necklace in her hands.

"BUT I LOOOOOOOOOVE YOUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!"  She cries back. "I'M WILLING TO GIVE UP MY IMMORTALLITY FOR YOU!!!!

"BUT YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND! I WAS ONLY WITH YOU FOR A FAVOR!!!!" Glider said. They were now standing on top of a bridge.

"But I picked out my funeral dress for when I DIE!!! Does that even matter to you?"

"Ewww.... Listen, I only went to the Prom with you because your brothers paid me $3000."

"It was DESTINY!!!"

"It was $3000!"

"Here! I'll give you my necklace to prove our love!" Arwing gave Glider her necklace. It is pink and has gold curly cues all over it.

"It looks.... girly." Glider said while holding it.

"It's a symbol of our love!!" Arwing replies.

Glider throws it into the river. Arwing dives into the river, floating away while proclaiming her love.

Suddenly, three signs are raised.

"9.5!" said one.

"9.0!" said the second.

"6.0!" said the third. Then someone is whacked in the head. A scribble mark is heard and the third sign is raised again. "10.0!" it says. 

Glider doesn't notice. He's dancing around like a monkey. "WOOOOOOO!!!!" he cries. "I'M FREE I'M FREE I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!" 

From a window, someone is watching. "How come _he _gets all of the girls? I never get anyone! Gah... I need my music...." The guy puts in a cd in a cd player and presses play. Linkin Park's "Crawling" is heard.


End file.
